Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Guide to Writing: Chapter 1: The Idea

Edited: as they will be until perfect.

Here begins a series of articles for me, just to keep the writing process in my head. Feel free to follow along and join in.

The most important thing to do when writing is to have an idea. Any idea will do, but one must have an idea to begin the process correctly. Or else all you are doing is msking random words jumble together in no real order. Instead, you need a basic idea, a premise for your story. This is literally one line about the basic idea behind your story, One could be "Man comes to grips with the death of his mother." Now, this could describe any type of story. But it gives you the basic starting point for entering your story. This is the idea that the rest of the story will be built around. The premise can be like throwing darts at a wall, anything you want it to be. But the simpler it is, the easier it will be to construct a story.

Now, don't think you have to explain the actual story. It's merely an idea that runs the course of the story. The premise of Die Hard is "A man tries to make up with his wife". It is not about the terrorists, they are just an obstacle in his path. The motive is what you want. Your main character needs a motive. The motive gives you places to go and obstacles to put in his way. Now, every character has some type of motive, but the main character's motive is what drives the story along. Every story needs one. Even yours.

So, first we will come up with the premise. Go ahead, create one. I'll give you time. Don't be afraid.

For my example, I shall use the idea of "A man who wants a nice quiet date." This does not describe the actual story, just a plot point that will be followed throughout the whole story and give the main character a motive. What's yours?

Next: plotting the story!

Friday, December 24, 2004

Waiting for Christmas

Sitting alone in bed. In the darkness that has held the night. Waiting. Christmas is upon the day, yet it is still too early. Parents still slumber, and the fear that Santa may not have yet come is real. If you are awake, will he come? He has to have already been. Santa knows kids wake up early in anticipation of the big event. You move to get out of bed. Will the parents hear? Will they know? Will Santa magically make the presents vanish when you go downstairs before it is time?

It is best not to think on this. The parents will awaken soon. And when then do... Maybe you should go to the restroom? You can sneak down the stairs a little on the way. Or maybe you need a glass of water. How about that? And then just peak in on the living room full of presents. No one will know.

Well, it's best not to. That time will be here after another few minutes. The clock is ticking away. Don't be afraid to wait. Watch some TV. Play a game on your GameBoy. Read some. Don't be too anxious. You've already made it that far.

OK, bathroom. On the way back you stop and turn to look at the stairs. Right down them and around the hall and you can see it. Take a step towards the room. One foot touches the top step. NO! Back to bed you go.

You lay down. Closing your eyes and trying to sleep is not helping. Time slows down as you wait, and wait, and wait. When will it come? It must come! You look at the clock, and it has only been five minutes. Please, just arrive already. Time. Time.

Wait, is that someone moving downstairs? Yes, they are moving around. They must be up. You run to your door and open it, looking down at the face looking up.

"Not yet," they say.

You sit in your bed, waiting for the time. It is coming. It is coming. What is taking them so long? Making coffee, and putting on the album. The stupid Christmas album you've hated for every year. Why put it on. You are finally allowed out of your room. You can sit on the steps. You hear them moving around. You want to come down. Please?

Finally, you are allowed down the steps, you walk to the room, being held off from the gratification forever. It's torturous. Please, please. You turn the corner and look in, and there are presents everywhere. More than you have ever seen before.

Christmas has come.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Night before Christmas
And I was a drinking.
Santa was coming
Or so was I thinking.
Little did I know
Just what was coming.
Santa was on his way
For a little different something.
In a drunken stupor
I left the bar.
Headed out to the parking lot
And looked for my car.
But what to my wondering eye
Did appear?
Saint Nick with a crazed look
That caused me much fear.
He attacked me,
Assaulting me with his sack.
I was knocked for a loop
And landed on my back.
"Why are you doing this?"
I asked with a start.
"I'm low on money for presents
Now give me your heart."
I tried to fight back
But Santa was too strong.
I knew that instant
That something was wrong.
"Why attack this person?
Why try to kill me?
Why must you do so?
I want to help you can't you see?"
"Sorry son", he said
"But I'm tight on money.
There are too may kids.
And my life isn't honey.
So, I steal some organs
And sell them on eBay.
Then buy lots of presents
For all the kids who pray."
It was at this moment
I passed out on the street.
Woke up hours later
Without any heat.
There was a scar on my side
Where once was my kidney.
In a tub of ice I lay
He didn't even give me anything free.
And while tired I was
Trying to lay
I heard him leaving
And heard him say
"On Dasher, on Dancer
On Prancer and Blitzen (who loved football)
On Comet, on Cupid
On Donner (Richard) and Vixen (the hot reindeer)
We've got what we came for
Now let us depart
We've presents to deliver
And we've barely made a start."
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him exclaim as he kept up a pace.
"Happy Christmas to all
And sorry to... what's-his-face!"

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Super Happy Fun Story #4!

Everyone knows it is not fun to be a bastard. The parents knew that. And they wanted their kid to be happy and fun. So they knew what they needed to do.

Responsible, good parents make sure that they are married when they have children. This thought occurred to the couple when they found out. He had gotten her pregnant, the test said so. And they knew they could not dare let their child be born a bastard. That would just be wrong, and being wrong is for bad people. So, they knew what they had to do. They had to get married.

Happy people needing to get married always have to go to the happiest place on the Earth. So, they drove out west. Way out west to the fun city known as Las Vegas! They got to the City of Fun and drove up to a drive through marriage place. Vows were exchanged, and they were married.

This happy, young couple returned home and in a few short months were super happy with the birth of their daughter. Of course, when their parents found out what they had done, they were not very happy. And when they got kicked out of her mother's house and had to quit school to work full time in order to afford a place to live neither was the most happy. And as they aged and took out their aggression on each other neither of them were very happy. And their daughter, growing up in this home of hostility began to become withdrawn, those were not the best of times. But at least they were married, and their daughter was not a bastard. And that is all that really matters.

...Is it just me or have these gotten less and less fun with each story? I promise something new that's not just making fun of someone or something. Promise!

Monday, December 20, 2004

Like, Totally My Own Blog! XOXOXO

So like, last night. I was all like, out with this boy. And my dad was soooo pissed at me for dressing the way I did. But I was all like, this is how all the girls are dressed. And he was all "I'm not having no daughter of mine dressing up like a street walker." And I was all "I have to walk down the street dad. I'm going to the mall." But he made me go and change. I wish I had cool parents. They don't understand. I was only wearing a skirt and half shirt. It's not like I was naked or anything. So anyway, I got to the mall, and he was there waiting for me. So we went to the food court and had dinner. I wanted a hotdog but he wanted pizza so we had pizza and it was soooo good. Mmmmmm. And then we went to see this movie. But I guess his seat hurt because he kept leaning over to me and putting his arm around me. It was so annoying! I like must have missed half the movie. I was so mad I spilled my coke and made him get another. Stupid boys. So we went over to his house afterwards, so I could have that hotdog I wanted earlier. He said he would get me a special one from his house. But when we got there he just wanted to sit on his couch and wouldn't make the hotdog. He was just holding me. And then he wanted to kiss so I was all aflutter and we started kissing but he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth. GUROSS! I told him I don't know what kind of freak he is but I am so totally not like that. And then he said he wanted to go putt putt. Now, I don't know what kind of sick code word that is but as I told him I am 13 years old and I will not do sick things like putt putt on the first date. Maybe when I'm old, like say 15, I might. But no way while I'm still you. And then he got all mad because he's 15 but as I told him, older guys are cool. But he told me to go home and he would putt putt with his guy friends. i told you he was gay. Wanting to do whatever that is with his guy friends. I am sooo over him now. And then I went out and bought a new cd. Yay!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

A Short Play

Enter Ted

I can't wait for tonight. Going out to see a movie. Maybe dinner, maybe dancing. This will be the best night ever. Once everyone arrives. Now where are they? It's alomst five already.

Enter Steve

What are you bitching about now, Ted? Everyone will be here. You know none of them ever arrive on time. And your girlfriend is the worst.

Oh, like yours is much better? I think she purposefully sets her watch back just to make sure she is never on time.

Well, it's not like there aren't any other people coming around. There's Alex, and Dave. And they better show up soon.

Well, they better get here. Or else, we'll just leave without them.

We're not leaving without them. They are our friends. And you will never have sex again if you leave without Sarah.

Oh, yeah. Well, I guess we'll wait then.

Good then.

Enter Michelle (Steve's girlfriend)

Hey, sweetie.

Hey honey. And how are we?

Fine. Fine. Just waiting for everyone to get here.

Oh, they are just coming. Sarah is right outside. And I saw Alex pulling in.

So, where's Dave?

Enter Sarah

He's coming, OK silly?

Enter Alex.

Hey guys, we ready to go?

Once Dave decides to arrive.

Stop being such a worry. He'll be here in just a minute.

Calm down dude. He said he was coming. He'll be here. I bet he'll show up in the next few minutes.

You wish. He's not coming. Someone always has to ruin my day.

You're the only one who ruins your day. The rest of us are having a fun time. Who cares if we are a little late? At least we are together, having fun.

Enter Dave

We ready to go now?

Yep, let's go.

Exit All

The End.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Secret origin of TheLewisShow!

One day, Mikey was in his secret lair, deciding on what possible course of action to take in his plans to conquer the world. He had tried every day, for days on end, all without success. But each day brought the hope that this day would be the day he would finally rule the world. And thus he worked tirelessly on and on. This day was no different, with the new plan being to build a giant robot to destroy cities with until the leaders of the world all surrendered. His plan would be a good one, he could tell this time. He would succeed!

"Vel," he said, calling his lovely assistant into the control room for his underground lair.

She walked into the room, carrying two large cups full of soda into the room with her. He only enjoyed drinking his sodas, as he felt they stimulated his brain for his world conquering dreams. Dreams which would become a reality. And he would finally get his assistant to fall in love with him and they would get married. It was all planned out.

"Tonight Vel," he said, "we take over the world!"

He sipped on his drink, looking over his paperwork. It was all perfect. Everything would work exactly as he thought it would. He reached over and pressed the large red button on his control panel. No, not that red button, the other one. Yeah, the one which caused the front wall of the room to slide to the side, revealing the hangar on the other side, with the giant robot in it.

"And then what?" she said.

"I... rule the world?"

"And then?"

"Then... then nothing. I rule the world."

"But, isn't there something else we can do?"

"Uh- um- uh... Let's go!"

He stood up and walked around the control panel and into the hangar. She followed closely behind him, muttering under her breath.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing, just nothing."


"Well, I was kind of hoping that you would say that after we take over the world, that we would, you know, get married."

"Get... married? You mean, you want to marry me?"

"Well, of course, I do love you."

"You do? Well, why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you loved me back. You were always so interested in taking over the world."

"I was interested? I only wanted to take over the world in order for you to fall in love with me. I always thought you wanted a strong man. Someone who could, you know, rule the world. I thought you needed to be given the world."

"No, silly. I only was here because of you."

"Well, then why are we trying to take over the world?"

"I don't know."

"Hmmm. Vel, marry me?"

"Of course."

And so the two turned around and went back into the secret lair. He looked around as he pushed the red button. No, the one he had already pushed, which caused the wall to slide back into place. He looked around the lab, knowing that he would not need anything in it now.

"I guess I'll need a new job then," he said.

He flipped the first light switch, moving down the line, turning off each one. The rooms in the laboratory darkened as he reached the last light switch, with the stairs leading out right beside it. He turned to look around in the darkened lab. He was slightly sad to see the whole idea go away. He did have fun trying to take over the world. But he had made his choice, and he would live with it now.

"I must become a new man to make this work," he said. "And with being a new man I will need a new name. I can no longer be known as Mikey. From now on, I must be something new, something normal. I must pick a name that will allow me to fit in with normal life. I shall be... TheLewisShow!"

With that, he switched off the light, and headed up the stairs after his new fiance. The lab sat silent, hoping one day he would return to finish his work.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Super Happy Fun Story 3!

He felt sick. He knew he should not have been drinking so much but he did so anyway. And thus was born the vomit. He was sick.

Drinking is fun. But all good little boys and girls should never drink too much. If they do, they will get sick. And that is never fun.

This was not fun. He hugged the toilet. He was going to expel the contents of his stomach. He could feel the chicken he had for dinner. There was that snack he ate in the middle of the day. And there were the thirty beers he had drank.

Drinking thirty beers is fun. Passing thirty beers back up is not as fun. He vomited once. The contents of his stomach spilling into the bowl. Being sick was not fun. He was not having any fun at all.

He promised to never drink again if he could stop this vomiting. He vomited again. Sick, he felt horrible. His head pounded and he slipped off of the bowl and smacked his face on the floor tiles. Vomit covered his mouth.

This was not fun at all.

Maybe it should be more fun.

He got back up, and an egg popped out of his mouth. The egg floated in the bowl, cracking and busting open. The baby dragon jumped out of the egg shell and sat on the bowl. It growled at him, then spit flame out of its mouth. He jumped back, scared and started trying to run. He slipped and smacked his head on the floor.

The dragon began to grow. It got larger and larger, smashing through the ceiling and destroying the house He turned around to look up at the giant creature. The dragon looked down, opened its mouth, and incinerated the man. It then scooped up his carcass into its mouth and ate him in one gulp.

Lesson: Never drink unless you can handle your alcohol.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

CBR party!

Alex loves the cock.
Brian Conin des not, as he is straight.
Cosmic Cat is female, but she is too young to love it.
Dan Apodaca loves his ass, Phillip, instead.
Ed Cunard has no idea what is going on.
Fabian does though, because he is cool.
Greg Hatcher feels embarrassed, and leaves.
Howyadoin does not believe in embarrassment. He would rather laugh at the misfortune of others.
I_mmmchocolate wonders what she is doing there, being a female in a sea of dorks.
Justin Davis does not know who these strange people are.
Kmeyers is too high to care.
Loren feels out of place. Until he gets spiffy new glasses and becomes a sexy beast!
Matt Bib gets really wasted, and wakes up in a dress.
Nicole Lee is only there because she is Brandon's girlfriend and has to go with him to the party.
Orchid Thief had been Mike Smash's girlfriend, but she went to the party anyway because they are still friends.
Pol Rua is a friendly munkey. And everyone loves the munkey.
Quarterwolf shows off his new skinny self. Everyone loves it.
Rallura congratulates Quarterwolf on his weight loss.
Smoogis cries, because Quarterwolf is getting attention even though he has been mean to her. And she is too young to think about the cock as well.
Tadgh Adams loves Alex, but not in the same way.
UniqueFrequency is just someone who started with the letter U. Hey, they can't all be winners, now can they? Geez, what is it you people want from me? Why can't I be loved?
Valmore decides to tell everyone how he has a girlfriend, to make the rest feel bad for themselves.
Wesley Dodds leaves in a hissy fit. Because he can.
Xombie is around for the letter X. What? Two out of twnety-six aren't bad. Oh, and everyone confuses him with zombie.
Yellowrosegoddess is there just to fill out the female quotient. The sassuage party was getting a bit nasty.
Zombie just came to listen to the music.

And thus was the first CBR party held. Maybe next time they will invite more than one person for each letter of the alphabit, bastards.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Happy Fun Story 2

One day, there was a boy and a girl. The girl loved the boy very much. As did the boy love the girl. So, they decided to do what any boy and girl who fall in love do.

But this was the girl's first time. And the boy had only done it once before, so he was still pretty nervous.

"I wish Trojan Man would come to help us out," the boy said.

"Silly, he's not real," the girl said.

So the boy sighed and removed his shirt. The girl laughed at his skinny body as she pulled her own shirt over her head. He smiled as she unclasped her bra and let loose her wonderous orbs of flesh.

"Fun!" the boy said.

"Yes it is," said the girl.

The boy fell on the girl, ready to have fun. He pulled his pants off and she did hers. They were now ready to do what people in love do.
So, they did it. He entered her like a happy ducky. A submarine entering happy caverns of love. Happy, pink caverns of love. Which erupted like a volcano. And the submarine shot it's missles into the cave in response.

Finished, the boy flopped beside the girl. He was happy, and she was happy, because they had done what every good boy and girl in love are supposed to do.

"That was great," the boy said, obviously feeling good.

"Yes," the girl said, "Although I did not seem to enjoy it that much."

The boy smiled, for they had done the thing all boys and girls in love did, and that was all that mattered.

Monday, December 13, 2004

The Champions

They stood tall and proud. Two titans of their age. In the middle of the ring they watched, stared at each other. No one else mattered during those minutes. No one else existed in the world. The two monsters began to circle, studying every move, looking for any weakness, any opening. Neither found any. They were the perfect specimens, at the top of their game. And the winner here would truly be the greatest in the world.

The first step is taken. It gets matched. Moving closer, step by step, the gladiators find each other. The war begins. A battle beyond any and all description. The fought hard and bravely. Each one giving no quarter. Neither faltered. They stood strong. The fought bravely. As the minutes ticked by, they began to feel the exhaustion setting in. The goliaths pounded and pounded, running on fumes. Their adrenalin all used up. Legs weakened. Arms tired.

One wild swing, and it spelled doom. The opponent took advantage. One slip up, one mistake, was all it took. The opponent closed in for the kill. The predator hunting his prey. One quick burst of strength and it was over.

There was one champion standing proud that day. He was no longer one of only two men in the world. Now, there was a crowd around him. Cheering. He smiled, victorious and soaking in the experience, the energy. Adrenalin flowed back into strained muscles. The other man was forgotten. He was no longer a champion. There was only one man left now, and he was a king. He stood tall and proud, knowing his time was limited. There would always be a bigger dog to knock him off of that mountain top. But for now, it was his.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Happy Fun Story 1

One day, two boys and three girls were walking down the street. They were happy, as happy as people could ever possibly be. But there was something dark brewing beneath their happiness. They would have to cross the street!

"Oh no," the first boy said, "We will have to cross this dangerous street."

"Indeed," the second boy said, "the street is dangerous. There are fast moving cars which could kill us in an instant."

"But if we stay safe," the first girls said, "And follow all safetly rules."

"We can cross the street safely," the second girl said.

"Yes," the third girl said, "Safety is the key."

So the group of five friends first looked right, then left, and then right. But there were cars coming. That meant they could not cross. So they waited while the cars drove on. And more cars came and drove on the street. The first boy grew imaptient.

"We can make it if we run between the cars," he said.

"No," the second girl said, "If we do that we are not being safe. And not being safe leads to being dead."

But the boy would not listen. And he started runnig across the street. He almost got hit by a few cars on his way over, but eventually made it to the other side. He turned around and started waving to the crew across the street. But they would not cross, for there were cars still coming...

Seventy years later the man was now walking down the street to that corner. There, four elderly people stood, waiting for the cars to stop coming so that they could cross the street. He laughed as he crossed the street, weaving in and out of the cars on the street.

Some people need to learn to take chances
, he thought.

The Dead Deal

The man was dead. The gun sat in his hand, as he looked down at the dead body who had once been his friend. A split second and a little pressure changed all of that. The shot had been sudden,loud. The effects were sudden and violent. The man fell to the floor, blood pouring from the wound and life quickly fading away. He could not help but think of how it came to this.

It had been several days since he found out. His own friend had cheated him. They entered a business idea together, and somehow while he had would up losing the money, his friend had gained $200,000. The anger had boiled over as his friend kept getting harder and harder to get in touch with. The gun he had for several years, but it was the first time he had pulled it out of it's case. The anger was boiling, his face turning red. And he knew he would get revenge.

A quick phone call and a meeting was set. He knew he was going to do it. And now, the deed was done. There was no turning back.

The gun had been louder than he thought, so loud. He knew someone had to have heard. And someway the police would find out and be coming. But he was frozen in his place, staring at the body. There was so much blood. His once friend was dead. He tried to move, the gun fell from his hand. It clacked against the pavement and came to rest on its side. Disarmed, he turned to go. Then, the sirens started ringing in his ears.

The police arrived fast. Cars pulled into the alleyway and men in blue uniforms exited the sides. Guns were drawn and pointed at him. He reached down to pick up his gun, wanting to get out. He never had the chance. The tackle drove him to the ground, his hands locked behind his back. He would not get an easy way out. Instead, he would live a long life still, where everyday he would think of nothing but of this day, and the mistakes made...

More Blogs

More blogs are the greatest thing in the world. Because that means I have more places to ignore and not do anything. Well, mainly, I just wanted to be able to post comments on others' blogs and have my name. Still, cool either way.

Now, a story

When a man loves a woman they can get together and make these things called "babies". These babies grow up to become another man or woman. Then, they repeat again and again making the circle of life. But this is not alwas the case.

Sometimes, the man or woman becomes "gay", and not happy, but instead only can not make babies by coupling with their soulmate. This is different but still OK.

So one day, the "gay" and the "straight" were walking down the street. The one knew that he might have a chance to reproduce and continue the circle of life, the other was thinking about trying addoption. A bus drove up over the sidewalk and hit them, killing them both.

The End.