Thursday, June 09, 2005

You Can Buy THAT For a Dollar

Blood of the Dragon

(Jimmy) Wang Yu, who was the only actor not seen in the insert yourself into an existing movie for comedic effect movie Kung Pow (unless one counts the credits) is seen in full glory here. He stars as Lung Ti (which from the dubbing is apparently pronounced Long Tie), the White Dragon. He finds a boy who has been given a bamboo tube and charged with delivering it to the Prince. The importance of the tube? Apparently, the rebel forces decided to keep their membership information on the back of a map. Just so, I guess, they knew who all to collect dues from. “Hey, Bob Wang. You owe us your monthly payment of $25 to the rebel forces. It says so right here on my list.” And the map? Must have been so they had the addresses of each of their rebels. Can never be too safe with that kind of information. But things take a turn when the prince turns out to be the son of an old enemy, and Lung Ti gets trapped in a teahouse, injured and being surrounded. And apparently, a small teahouse is so frightening to enter, everyone just waits outside it for Lung to exit. Even though the backdoor is always open. It is, in fact, just a rug covering a wall and everyone knows it is there. But they wait, and wait, and finally, the battle happens. Where not only must Lung Ti battle the forces of evil, but also three end level bosses!

Is it in widescreen? Nope.

Subbed or dubbed? Dubbed.

Great kills: -A man gets a sword thrown through him, tip sticking out the front of his chest, yet still manages to make it to town, pull the sword out and give a container to a small boy before flipping over backwards to his death. –Lung skewers three men on his spear. –Just like a classic episode of Star Trek, watch in awe as everyone in a red shirt bites the dust.

Bad dub: The kid is really annoying, especially when saying he’s blind and in need of money. Shatner style acting abounds. Voices come out of nowhere to say the stupidest things in crowd scenes. Almost makes one wonder if there wasn’t a joke somewhere in it. I can’t believe they actually listed the voice talent as the actors at the end of the movie.

Annoying child sidekick: Yes, there is a child with Lung at almost all times. And he is extremely annoying. Loud, whiny, and full of himself, this little sucker can’t even go five minutes without being caught by someone. And unfortunately, the kid doesn’t get offed as a way for Lung to get angry for revenge.

Bad print: Frequent missing frames or bad red frames plague the movie. But they can’t take away from the fun of the fights.

Child Endangerment: While in battle, when Lung gets stabbed and is bleeding, he makes the child jump on his back in order to stop the bleeding, and continues fighting.

Property damage: No less than three tables at the teahouse get destroyed, yet the owner seems to have an indispensable income, since she doesn’t care.

Alcohol cures everything: When Yung has been stabbed in the back, in order to get back to full capacity, he drinks gallon upon gallon of wine. This helps him prepare for the showdown against 50 soldiers and three boss characters.

Great quotes: “I don’t have time to die right now.” “Roast in hell.” “A man must do what he must do.” – Thank you John Wayne!

A fun movie if you enjoy lots of sword on spear action. The spear tends to slow things down, but does make for some interesting fights. And the bosses all have some fancy type of weapon, like a sword that expands into a whip like device, or a ball and chain. The interesting weapons mix up the fights enough for some fun. And it’s only a dollar.


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